"You know, I own 352 acres.
Did you ever try to find a body
on that much land?"
-Astronaut farmer

I can quote just about every movie I've ever seen more than once, it's just something that we do as the men in my family. We will see who can guess where some of mine came from.

"Veronica Vaughn, sooooooo hot. Want to touch the hiney."

"Yeah, and Grizzly Adams had a beard." "Grizzly Adams DID have a beard."

"If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis."

"One of you turds if fixin to get slapped in the mouth!"

"You beat one of ours and we'll put one of yours in the morgue."-The Untouchables.

We should adopt that kind of mentality against Muslims!

" A man has got to do something for a living... dying aint much of a living "....

"I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey sh-- he is! Hallelujah! Holy sh--! Where's the Tylenol?"

"It's a hell of a thing, killin' a man. You take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have." - Will Munny

Christmas vacation...one of the best.

billy Madison good movie

Time to nut up or shut up

My signature line.....

pretty much every line from Joe Dirt

"You serious Clark?" (Christmas Vacation)
"Don't piss me off, Art" (Christmas Vacation)

^^^I probably use both of those daily^^^

"That's just, like, your opinion, man." (Big Lebowski)

You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.

"Fill your hands you sonofabitch."

we have a family tradition where we, my parents, my aunt & uncle and 2 cousins get together on Christmas Eve to watch it. We've seen it so many times now that we basically just take turns reenacting it, line for line.

"Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass, kiss his ass, kiss your ass, Happy Hanukkah."

I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good. You so much as scowl at my niece, or any other kid in this school, and I hear about it, I'm coming looking for you! Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.

That's bold talk for a one eyed fat man!

Gentlemen. You can't fight in here. This is the war room.

Does your daag bite?
No.
Grroowl. (attack) (Almost a mauling)
I thought you said your daag didn't bite?
He's not my daag.

Looks like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.

What we have here is failure to communicate.

You see in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: those with loaded guns and those who dig, you dig.