FFP, I'm not in your house to judge feller. Thank you for what you are doing. I'm 58 and the wife is 56 and we've raised our grandson for almost the last 9 years. He's 11.5 yo. I feel you for being a "parent" long past what most do. But when you said "5 yo", that child needs stability or consistence no matter what. How long have y'all been together? If not long, it may need some adjustment time. She's probably developed some built-in defense mechanisms for protection. Don't underestimate her age. We got our grandson at 2.5 yo. He portrayed some fears of a highchair (we think it was his form of a baby-sitter being strapped in too much) and he still falls back into what made him secure with us at that early age.