Mine seem to go through spells of explosion, then all of a sudden I’m the bad guy and they are united.
With a foster, I’m sure even more complex. I’ll say a prayer for you tonight.

I agree with shotts and irishguy as that’s about the same way as we run our household. One thing I might add though is you and your wife should be seen as a team. My kids understand that me and their mother will almost always be on the same side. Using the bath for example. I punish for fighting with their mother not for whatever lead to the argument. It took time but sooner or later they come to know what’s expected of them.