Like others mentioned. I think spanking should be on top of other forms of discipline in cases of clear defiance/intentional disobedience and not just a kid being a kid or has gotten overloaded by a situation. I think it’s appropriate for them to expect that during outright disobedience especially since there will be the occasional safety matter (I told you not to play near the road, run beside the pool, reach up for a pot handle, etc). When they are older I think they ought to have a fear of consequences during disobedience, but not fear you as a loose cannon person, or be in confusion of if their parents love them or want to harm them.

It’s a difficult process. I think a good person has it built in to them to navigate if they keep from doing it angry and stay close to the Lord. Good luck.