That'll go over bout like a poot in a scuba diving helmet.
I'm so hungry I could eat a horses d@@@ fried in axle grease.

You can learn a lot watching Pawn Stars. I saw it on History Channel years ago. Rambo would struggle with that belt.

You couldn't beat your way out of a wet paper sack.

My neck is stiffer than a whorehouse towel.

He was shaking like a blind fagget at a weenie roast.

Smoother than a prom queen's thighs.

She's so fine I'd drink her bath water.

She's finer than frog hair.

Grinnin' like a possum eating chit.

Grinnin' like a possum eating briars.

Slick as owl chit.

Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

She's been rode hard n hung up to dry.

She's so ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road.

That'll go over like a turd in a punchbowl.

Tight as Dick's hatband.

You wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell.

(Referencing not having the right tools or equipment) "Trying to make chicken salad outta chicken chit.

(When a female is bent over showing her backside) Look boy, she's got it hiked up in neutral!

"What say we"...can be used on anything from the layout of a deer drive to (USE YOUR IMAGINATION).....

and when stuff is real, real tore up AND IT AIN'T GONNA IMPROVE....DAMN,CHIT,HELL,...ETCETERA! NOT GOOD TO HEAR IN ANY SITUATION!!

He's tore up... From the floor up...

About as worn out as a two dollar whore at the Mardi Gras parade

This is one Granny used to say after a day picking peas and diggin peanuts.
" right now my knees is weaker than water."

I sure do miss that woman.

You are dumb as a retarded midget monkey trying to f#*k a football

How about you stand there and let me f#*k this monkey

Check out that fart box

Ima hit you with so many rights you'll be beggin for a left.

Ima hit you so hard and so fast you be screaming y'all quit!

Smiling like a faggot in a hotdog eattin contest

Rode hard and put up wet

IF you see me fighting a bear.. You better jump in and help the bear!

Mad as a jap

She looks like she fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down

Im on it like white on rice

In like flynn

You're bout as useful as tits on a boar hog

I gotta go see a man bout a dog (can mean just about anything)

You could tear up an anvil with a rubber hammer

Wish in one hand, shucks in the other see which one fills up first

shucks or get off the pot

Don't let your mouth write checks your ass can't cash

Even a broken clock is right twice a day

If you can't fix it with a hammer you got a electrical problem

Dumber than a soup can.
He'd F up a soup sandwich !
Looks like she was hit in the ass with a bag of nickels.
Chittin like a crippled coon.
I got a bad case of the shaved heels.

I'll be on you like white on rice and a paper plate and a glass of milk in a snowstorm.

The devil is beating his wife (when its raining but the sun is out)

Party at the moon tower... Loved that movie

You need to fish or cut bait
You talking through your butt now cause your mouth knows better
Do the best you can and let the rough end drag
What can't get up can't get out(when my pants are unzipped)

Put out or swim

do ya smell what I'm steppin in?

"country as a turnip green"
"wouldn't take you to a goat killing"
"couldn't sling a dead cat and not hit good looking woman in here"
"go kick rocks"
"old as dirt"
"ugly as sin"
"is a frog's butt water tight?"
"slick as owl chit"
"cold as a well diggers arse"
"the back forty"

as stupid as a one legged man entering in a kicking contest.

I think that "the whole nine yards" is referring to the amount of concrete that a concrete truck can hold, When you use the whole truck load you have used "the whole nine yards".

Useless as a d_ck flavored pop sickle.
Happier than a puppy with 2 peckers
Slicker than owl s_it on an okra plate

"you keep talking smack the only thing that's gonna beat you to the hospital is the headlights on the ambulance"

Y'all just need to go outside and practice falling down, ill be there in a minute.