So dumb you cant tell chit from shinola.Batshit crazy.

I thought I was the only person on earth who said that!!

I know she can't help the way she looks but she could have stayed at home!

I'm so hungry the air smells like oil sausage.

An old descriptive line for some extremely poor quality soil/sandy here in NW Fl: You could lay down there with three young whores and couldn't get and erection.

You'd rather sandpaper a wildcats ass than mess with me.

Screwed up as a ------- check book

You step on a rattlesnake you're bound to get bit

To be the man you've got to beat the man

I feel like a coyote ate me and chit me off a 40 foot cliff

Raining like a cow pissing off a 40 foot cliff on a flat rock

"You're so full of chit your eyes are brown."

Someone asks a question which would obviously be answered "yes" and my coworker would say "Does a one legged duck swim in circles?"

Lost as a termite in a wooden yo yo.

My pastor once said "What's the matter with you? You look a mule eatin brars."

I'm so hungry my butthole is chewing on my underwear

You got enough money to burn a wet mule.

I just thought of a few more:

Another coworker used to see something crazy and say "Well, that's messed up like a football bat."

My favorite:
As children, we knew we were about to be in deep trouble with my grand mother when she said "Boy, I'm fixin to cloud up and storm on you!" or "You and me's about to go to war!" This was always followed by a good whoopin or a trip to pick up rocks and pull weeds in her gardens.

My son was watching Looney Toons last night and Foghorn Leghorn said "the snow is so deep the farmers have to jack the cows up to milk them" my first thought was of this thread. I'd never heard it before.

Worked like a borrowed mule

Feel so good i could sandpaper a bobcats azz

That boy is wide open, high speed low drag and teflon coated

At camp a few years ago one of the guys farted and another guy without missing a beat said "sounds better since leroy tuned it up for you" it was hillarious

when i fart.

oh that wasnt me, it was that a$$hole behind me.

When your buddy comes back from the bushes after doing a deuce tell him it looks like he pulled his pants up on the wrong pile.

Was your food good?

"Well, it'll make a turd".

"It's comin a toad strangler out here"
"This one is gonna be a turd floater"
"I'm busier than a cat covering chit and you are asking questions"

Wide open like a Case knife

its gonaa rain a#$ hole deep to a 10 foot indiain.

gonna snow neck deep to a giraph.

im bout to knock a terd outta you thatll whistle like a lost fright train.

slicker than a minnows pecker.

madder than 400 hells.

it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minuets.

Case knife. Cut,azz, so, easy